“You can’t spend the rest of your life being afraid of people rejecting you, and you have to start by not rejecting yourself, you don’t deserve it. People can either accept you for who you are or they can fuck off”—anonymous (via kushandwizdom)
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”—Kurt Vonnegut (via thisisjustgreat)
Someone recently pulled me aside and told me sincerely that I seem sad as of late. That I’m not the same happy girl she used to know. That I don’t seem open to meeting someone.
I wanted to react defensively but she’s right and I knew it. Though she’s someone who sees me maybe once a year, it caught me off guard and shook my foundation a bit, of trying to appear like my normal self.
It’s true, I’ve had trouble getting over some failed relationships in the recent heard. I’ve given up on dating for a bit because I was too angry or hurt or scared to put myself out there again. I’ve cried about it a lot, written stories, continue writing stories, poems and journal entries. I’ve been told twice this year that I’m overweight, and I know. I know. There are lots of things to sort through, like why didn’t I value myself enough to be with guys that are right for me, why did I stay too long with ones that weren’t. Why haven’t I taken care of my health when I’m lucky enough to have the time to now? There are so many punishments I can lay down, but I’ve done them all, and it’s not working.
I don’t really need to be ashamed of who I am right now, I’m probably the only person who needs to be convinced of that and yet it seems to be a pretty fierce argument! It’s getting better and easier, be it slowly, but if I’ve learned anything, rushing life makes it all the more challenging for lessons to sink in. We keep repeating and fumbling till we get it right.
It was an unexpected intervention at a nightclub but I guess it is nice to know that people still care.
“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits - anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.”—Kim McMillen (via sheslump)
Him: Hey I haven’t seen you around lately, where you been?
Me: Oh I’ve been sick for the past few days so I was just resting.
Him: Oh ok ok, because you better not be sneaking around on me, you hear?
Me: *awkward laugh
Eat food from farmers markets.
Drink good tea each morning.
Read books that make you feel.
Paint, even if you’re awful.
Write, even when you have nothing to say.
Sit in the fresh air outside.
Go on hikes.
Swim in lakes and wade in streams.
Sleep as long as you need.
Work hard at what you love.
Work hard at what you hate.
“someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. they can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. and whatever their reasons you must leave. because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. you never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. there is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. and there is the love that will be ready.”—nayyirah waheed (via indieless)
So I know something really great has happened in my life, and I made it happen and it’s a good investment/blah blah positive thoughts. lol but today, everything’s caught up with me. I can’t rest when I’m at home because there’s always some little thing I want to do to make it feel more like a home…scrub the kitchen sink or kitchen floor, dust the drawers, change up the layout of the closet, test the different settings on the AC, organize the cabinets, find the charger for the vacuum…so no, I’m not getting a lot of sleep. The fridge is sparse since again, I’m lucky to be going away for the weekend (and my birthday!) on Thursday, but thus I have no perishable food so my diet is effed. *I had McDonald’s for breakfast this morning and I’m sorry I’m not sorry.*
Once my parents left on Sunday afternoon, I locked the door behind them and fell asleep as soon as I put my ass down on my couch. Living with three people in a studio is exhausting. Living with two of the most critical people in your life is almost debilitating. I’m still waiting for my medal.
And now, on a holiday week at work, wheh things should otherwise be farily quiet, there’s been some great news for some of our programs and I’m the person responsible for pushing that information out to our clients.
One of my friends said, “You need to go home and just stare at the wall.” And she is so right!