It is possible to be happily single. Here are 10 important reminders to help you appreciate and enjoy your single status.
There’s nothing earth-shattering here, but there are some nice reminders in it for me. I am a person who’s had my heart broken twice in the past year and a half since I started this here blog, and I’m still struggling to find my way: through the frustration, anger, self-doubt, insecurity and over-thinking.
I’m an only child and already do a lot of things on my own. So it’s not that I don’t know how to be alone and enjoy my own company. I got that down pat, yo. I try new things often, I venture into “extra curriculars” with great exuberance and minimal fear. I guess I do the same for relationships. The only difference being that I pick my classes/activities based on what I want, whereas with dates, I usually just go with whomever shows interest in me and then attempt to make it work. A few talks with a shrink and dear girlfriends helped me realize that in fact, I have an active choice in the matter. It sounds really simple but it’s taken me this long to really conceptualize.
I suppose when we were younger it was easier or safer to date so haphazardly, at least for me. I never thought about anything too much or tried to make a square peg fit into a circle. In fact, there were no circles. It didn’t occur to me that my success as a woman or in my career might intimidate a man, or that my place in life might cause him pause to reflect on his own and pursue his personal success, without me.
Since last summer, when I saw the last guy I was dating on my birthday (never to see him again), I’ve had this huge, ugly chip on my shoulder. I can admit that now. I’ve felt like everyone’s trying to screw me, no one respects me, God’s decided I won’t ever have what everyone else has, no one understands my plight and struggle because I’ve been alone since birth. Drama. Friends offered interventions and lectures on how wonderful and confident I used to be, how what I was currently doing wasn’t good for me, how they want so much more for me and I should for myself. I couldn’t hear it or receive it without thinking “Oh, it’s so easy for everyone else to say.” My thoughts remained hardened and self-pitying. I saw my emotional deteriorations manifest themselves into physical and mental ones. For the first time in my life, I had high cholesterol, more adult acne than is acceptable for a 31 year old, and have topped off at my highest weight ever. I quit and joined at least 3 to 4 different work out/gym programs over the course of the winter, never making full use of what I paid for. And most detrimental of all, I rekindled with an ex that was never available in the first place.
Things changed at work too, to the point that my not-so-observant boss mentioned that I am working so independently that he has no idea what I’m doing most of the time. He looked me in the eye and urged me to use him as a resource and remember that’s what he’s there for. (this totally creeped me out & continues to make me uncomfortable since he’s usually not so encouraging)
And so here we are, in the midst of spring and I have to say I am feeling slightly better. Doing small things to help improve myself - taking a more challenging writing course, watching a lot of Oprah’s Lifeclasses about living your best life (*insert snort here), taking a break from drinking too much, not pushing myself socially and learning to say No, spending time with the friends who nourish me, following a healthier food plan (when birthdays and visits to wineries don’t take precedence!), and last but not least, calling my parents more often.
I took that imaginary timeline off of my calendar. The one that dictated when I should be getting married, or what I should or shouldn’t have done by this age. Instead I am enjoying each day as best I can, counting my blessings and making the most of my situation. Because I have to admit that whatever/whoever I am, I’m a pretty damn good one!